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Reason #542 I Could Never Be A Writer

October 3, 2012

So I recently gave a query webinar over at Writers Digest.

Oh hey, maybe I should have posted it here to let you know I was doing it. Guess I’m still working on this whole marrrr-keh-ting thing, you know? Sometimes I like to spell out how I’m pronouncing the words in my head.

The funny thing is, I have always been (gently) teased for the way I talk. It falls somewhere between an accent and a speech impediment, but I have a way of dragging out certain words. I don’t know why or which words I’m going to do, but I do know that I’ve always done it.

Actually, it was my best friend in high school who first noticed and pointed it out to me, I think because I used to drag out her name. Apparently I don’t say Abby properly. I say Aaaaabby.

But once she pointed it out, my whole family noticed even though I’m the only one who talks like this–slow and then every once in a while super slow.

I’m just telling you this so that even though you can’t hear me, I like to spell out certain words so that you can imagine me saying them. So that when you read, it’ll be almost like you can hear my voice in your head saying the words. And when I would drag out a word, that’s when I like to spell it out for you. I mean, maybe not every time, but sometimes. When it’s important.

Anyway, back to the original topic. So my webinar, which was pretty awesome if I do say so myself, had been kind of freaking me out in the lead up.

I’d never done a webinar before and I’ll be perfectly honest, I don’t think I’m really cut out for the webinar format. And here’s why (and here’s where I’m going to tie it in brilliantly to the title of this post which is of course reason #542 why I could never be a writer): I need the instant feedback.

Like I said, I was concerned about this going into the webinar and although I think it went fine, it was extremely difficult for me to just talk and talk (not that part) without getting any audience feedback (this part).

I would rather talk to a room of 1,000 people where I can see their faces and hear their laughter as I tell my awesomely funny jokes, than speak into the void for 100 people. I felt so far removed. Everyone could have been asleep for all I knew!!!

See, when I write, I write my emails, and I get email responses. When I tweet, I get responses. Even when I blog, I get comments! My god if I wrote a book, it would take forever to get any feedback!!! I don’t think it would ever be enough for me. And it certainly wouldn’t be fast enough.

Don’t worry, I realize I sound like a 3 year old. I like to think it’s part of my charm.

But hey, I’m sure all my clients are relieved to hear I’m never going to write a book.

Give me instant feedback NOW!! In the comments.

Tell me the wait is worth it (don’t worry, I’m still not writing a book). Tell me you agree with me and you’re a sucker for compliments like I am. Tell me you love me and wish I would post on my blog more often.

Tell me you loved IN A FIX, or BUY SHOES ON WEDNESDAY AND TWEET AT 4, or that you can’t wait for Kimberly Sabatini’s book TOUCHING THE SURFACE to come out at the end of this month!!!

JUST TALK TO ME!!

Oh, also? Congrats to Kim for an amazing review in Booklist today which called TOUCHING THE SURFACE an “effective lesson in love, forgiveness, and self-understanding” GO KIM!!

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18 Comments
  1. It’s like being on the phone with a friend. I very much enjoyed it.

  2. Feedback is addicting. I think that’s one reason a lot of writers began blogging (aside from platform building). To a large degree, blog comments have fallen off. Often I’ll get brief comments on my Facebook wall in lieu of a blog comment.

    A good writer friend of mine has coined a word that’s rather fitting for the urge for and reaction toward instant feedback: FEEDCRACK.

    TOTALLY.

  3. The way you talk is all a part of the Wolfson charm. 😉

  4. Oh I loved In a Fix and Touching the Surface, too. And that’s awesome about Booklist! Really awesome, Kim! But I’m not surprised since it’s a great book! 🙂

    • Aw, thanks, Moni. I’m reading Touching the Surface right now (ha! how’s that for multitasking? *grin*), and loving every page.

  5. Amanda H. permalink

    Funny, I have the opposite problem. I have the need to give feedback. I kept wanting to make comments to you during the Webinar but didn’t want to clog your question box with my inanity. I suppose I would rather give than receive.

    In fact, although I am in essence paying you for feedback, I was so nervous about getting it that I had to have my 6yo push ‘send’ on the email when I sent my query letter to you for critique. Go fig. But rest assured the Webinar was entertaining and informative (and I only got up and went to the bathroom once, I swear!)

  6. I’m training my dogs to give feedback on my novels for this very reason.

  7. I started following you at the very beginning of my Twittership. At first, I set my notifications so I’d get an alert when you tweeted. That lasted less than a day, of course, but it was a most entertaining day. I was reading your tweets on my phone while standing in the produce section and laughing out loud. Your #hidontrun game cracked me up every time. You went after one follower with some genius Judy Blume tweets, “*whispers* (the period book)” and I was in love. Remember the Bakugan Hanukkah when I told you to throw the cards away and have your kids stick their balls to the fridge? Mortifying. Your #mousehunt was epic. EPIC! Two weddings/one husband, accio coffee, #tweetwalkofdeath, your temporary smexy shoe avatar… you’ve made me laugh so many times.

    Forever ago, you discussed putting “Princess of Awesomesauce” on your business cards and I’ve thought of that reference ever since. A tiny pixie mother with a rabid sweet tooth and lightning fast wit. You’re Yzma when she was a lavender kitten at the end of The Emperor’s New Groove only slightly less bloodthirsty. Singing your praises is loads of fun because you have such a cool, “Yeah, I know” response to compliments.

    And the webinar? You know I signed up mostly for the entertainment value, right? FYI, your voice fits your personality perfectly. I fought valiantly against the urge to ask snarky questions during the webinar and won. I did, however, tweet during the webinar; had to make sure non-attendees knew they missed out big time. It was totally worth it.

    You really should write a book. Write non-fiction for writers, “The Hashtag Jungle; A Memoir by Michelle Wolfson”. Pulitzer worthy.

    • (I’m sitting next to an empty Starbucks cup that, moments ago, contained a venti double dirty chai. If my post reads long and rambly, I blame the caffeine.)

    • I love you, Scaity.
      First of all, I love that you said the text notification lasted for only one day of course. My neighbor had my tweets on text notification for a little while and I was like how do you stand it???

      Second of all, I was JUST talking to 7yo last week about the Bakugan Hanukkah!!! During the great #PURGE2012 I found a couple of Bakugan balls that had been missing for a long time and then we were on the subway with one of his friends who had some “new hot toy” that was really a bunch of annoying little thingamajigs in a plastic bag and so I said to 7yo remember when Bakugan was the “new hot toy” or at least that was what the toy store man told Grandma and Poppy and so they HAD to buy it for you and we didn’t know what it was so I tweted about it we learned how to play with it?? But he DIDN’T REMEMBER!!! But YOU DO!!!! But we were cracking up as I told him that people told us we just throw them. So we did!! Man, good times on twitter. I can’t believe you remember that.

      I feel like 2 weddings/1 husband just came up recently too. I think I told someone the story. One of my clients?? Can’t remember who though. WIll have to throw some more clues out there.

      I like that The Hashtag Jungle. I missed you on Twitter when you were gone. 🙂

  8. It is the Wolfson charm!!! And thanks for the shout out. And thanks Monica. Linda you crack me up and I’m gonna have to borrow Daisy’s dogs because cats are too moody!

  9. Paula Lesso permalink

    You’re a witty writer, Michelle! And totally relatable! I share your desire for feedback. Sometimes I check my FB posts obsessively until at least one person responds, and then…why isn’t anyone else responding???? I followed Kim’s link to read this blog entry. I met Kim at a SCBWI conference and she’s one of those people you just instantly love, isn’t she? I am so psyched for her book launch, for TOUCHING THE SURFACE to be in many, many, many hands, heads & hearts, and excited to follow Kim’s career. Congrats on grabbing her as a client!

  10. Aurelia Blue permalink

    You rocked that webinar. I WAS laughing. TOTALLY LAUGHING!! And at one point, I did inanely clog your question box because I wanted to know if those really were wolf howls I heard in the background when you changed slides. I soooooo hope they were. It was wicked awesome. An I’m so sorry if that’s unprofessional, but I couldn’t help myself because it was delightful being able to relate to you in some form. I’m addicted to your tweets too. I like you, I really like you! Even if we never get the chance to work together, I will still really like you! I hope that affirms you, but trust me, you don’t need it. You are very charming and personable. It’s also quite evident that you are smart and funny and have a killer sense when it comes to picking good books. Love to Daisy, Linda, Kiersten, Tawna and of course Kim for their excellent work and their wonderful approachability. And you know I have that crush on Mark because he stood right up to old smarty pants, Charlie Rose. YOU brought all that into my world. It’s made me richer. 🙂 For real. ((hugs)) And I have to say, I didn’t notice this speech thingy of which you write… maybe it’s because I live in a region where everybody speeks nice and long and sloooooooow? 😉

  11. You told me the one husband/two weddings story last spring, FWIW

  12. I was at Storymakers this year and I totally didn’t notice any lengthening of words. You were awesome in the slush pile and agent panels.

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